When I was younger, I think it was more than a couple of years ago, I had a crush (oh, how I hate calling it that… I was mostly just interested and intrigued) on a friend of mine. Or, we weren’t really close friends or anything, I just found this person so cool and fun. I never did anything about this. I wanted to, but I was so scared. One of my best friends came to visit, and she made me write to him and we actually met up, and it was amazing, but this never led to anything more serious.
This has been the case throughout my life. I’m too scared, and I need a “catalyzer” as my friend called it, to actually do anything. This is sometimes problematic and I actually despise myself for it. But I’ve started accepting it and I try to get better at doing things I want to do, to be braver.
For example, I’m moving abroad when this summer has passed.
Wow. I have trouble writing that. I hate it. Why am I so frikking scared? Yes, it’s scary and a new thing and maybe even super difficult, but if I’m too scared to try I will never do anything, never fulfill any dreams of mine. And with what I’ve written here before, I must sound like quite an adventurous person… I don’t know if I am. Or, I guess I am in some regards, but at the same time I can be scared to death when it comes to other things. So I guess this is just a promise to myself, to try and be braver.