motivational advice to self: what i need to hear

Words

Why sacrifice your sanity, your happiness and your youth for comfort, safety and control?

Leaving behind what does nothing but harm you, is not giving up or running away; it is simply realizing your own worth.

You are never stuck, locked up or forced to stay, you can always choose to start over.

Keep your head up, keep your eyes on your goal, keep your dreams alive. Keep going.

 
~J

relief – poem

Art

naked and cold a lonely night

deep darkness hiding the sin

concealing the poison

head spinning, heart beating, blank mind

this unexpected but awaited escape

one last thought

quickly thinking it through

looking for that ounce of regret

not finding it

and then grabbing the bottle by the neck

bending a fork

liquid relief

naked and cold

relief

 
~J

go!

Words

do you have to go?

i know you have to go.

i have to go.

but do you, really?

you have to go now.

i have to go now.

i have to leave.

do you really have to leave?

you will miss your train.

i will miss my train.

go, now.

leave.

i wish i could stay.

me too.

don’t miss your train.

(please miss your train)

i don’t want to miss my train.

(i really want to miss my train)

go.

stay.

please stay.

i’ll stay.

you can’t stay.

i can’t stay.

i love you.

i love you too.

go!
~ J

art portfolio

Art, Words

We write our stories on crinkled coffee shop napkins, with cheap jet black eyeliner. Rough at the edges, smudged lines; fairytales but with tragic endings and without sparkling bliss.

Rays of sun through glass windows compete with our clouded minds and rainy eyes. Sorrows braided into galaxies, puddles made into swimming pools.

We are just spilled paint in an art portfolio, the shards in a broken mirror.
~ J

Lack of substance 

Art, Words

She could not help it. The laughter had taken over her being and now she only existed as the uncontrollable exhales. That was all she was; which was far more than she had ever been. A shell or perhaps a mask. Covering up the lack of substance and personality. 

It wasn’t her fault; at least not entirely. The world could’ve have been a bit more understanding of her chaotic creativity. But the way it always goes she was branded a lunatic. 

At first she’d fight it. Tell people off. Stand up for her beliefs. Eventually she stopped. Her efforts were all for nothing. Realising she would never be seen as anything but, she instead became it. She did not own it; she was consumed. The very essence of her being had abandoned its independence and was now solely an image of what other people saw in her. Their prejudice; most of all their belief that she would never be anything but. 

And so it goes. The different become freaks and individuality withers and dies.

⇝K 
 

New Years’

Art

It’s morning

After drinks

After talking – and not talking

After lingering looks

After dancing – dancing too close

 

It’s evening

Before anxiety

Before regreting – and not regreting

Before confusion

Before wondering – wondering what might be

 

It’s night

During fairy lights

During happening – and not happening

During extacy

During moments – moments when time stands still

 

⇝K

2017.01.17

Words

She sat in the corner trying to hide the fact that she was eating a co-oped bought donut in an itsu restaurant. Life had been stressful, it still was. A rushed move had taken place a few days earlier and they were now stuck, stuck in a place that reminded them both far too much of pink bathroom walls. During the last couple of days she had stopped feeding herself, surviving only on the occasional donut. But she wasn’t alone in feeling a bit homesick, they all felt it, the longing for someplace safe, someplace where the future wasn’t painted in black and grays. For all of them existing wasn’t as easy as it had been a month ago.

➢ M