Lack of substance 

Art, Words

She could not help it. The laughter had taken over her being and now she only existed as the uncontrollable exhales. That was all she was; which was far more than she had ever been. A shell or perhaps a mask. Covering up the lack of substance and personality. 

It wasn’t her fault; at least not entirely. The world could’ve have been a bit more understanding of her chaotic creativity. But the way it always goes she was branded a lunatic. 

At first she’d fight it. Tell people off. Stand up for her beliefs. Eventually she stopped. Her efforts were all for nothing. Realising she would never be seen as anything but, she instead became it. She did not own it; she was consumed. The very essence of her being had abandoned its independence and was now solely an image of what other people saw in her. Their prejudice; most of all their belief that she would never be anything but. 

And so it goes. The different become freaks and individuality withers and dies.



New Years’


It’s morning

After drinks

After talking – and not talking

After lingering looks

After dancing – dancing too close


It’s evening

Before anxiety

Before regreting – and not regreting

Before confusion

Before wondering – wondering what might be


It’s night

During fairy lights

During happening – and not happening

During extacy

During moments – moments when time stands still





She sat in the corner trying to hide the fact that she was eating a co-oped bought donut in an itsu restaurant. Life had been stressful, it still was. A rushed move had taken place a few days earlier and they were now stuck, stuck in a place that reminded them both far too much of pink bathroom walls. During the last couple of days she had stopped feeding herself, surviving only on the occasional donut. But she wasn’t alone in feeling a bit homesick, they all felt it, the longing for someplace safe, someplace where the future wasn’t painted in black and grays. For all of them existing wasn’t as easy as it had been a month ago.

➢ M

A month of xxx’s


It’s only been a month, and I’m so scared yet so sure.

I’m scared I fell too quickly, scared it is not real – HE is not real.

I’m so scared of the voices telling me to slow down, but even more scared of those telling me not to. 

I’m terrified of these potential feelings, call it love or whatever, and terrified that the feeling of not deserving this won’t go away, ever.

I’m scared the texts are going to stop, scared of the xxx’s becoming a dreaded habit, scared I’ll scare him away or bore him to death.

I’m scared he will stop taking my hand in his whenever we walk somewhere, scared his fingers tracing the stars on my skin will stop being the best feeling in the world.

I’m afraid that he’s the one, and that he’s not.

I’m so scared. But also so sure.
~ J

Happy Christmas Escapers!!


December 24th. It’s Christmas; beginning of the holidays but also the end of Blogmas. It’s been a wonderful time this year as well and something that we will revisit next year. 
Of course it’s easy to say we should’ve done things differently. Maybe we forgot a day or two. Maybe some posts wasn’t top notch but none of that matters now. What really matters is that we did Blogmas again. We wrote a lot of posts and that’s worth celebrating. Cheers to us. And cheers to you, our fellow escapers. Thank you for reading! 

Now there’s really only one thing left to do. Happy Christmas! May your holidays be filled with warmth, laughter and friendships!

/ J, M and K .

A very Camden Christmas Eve eve – a short story


“Please mind the gap, between the train and the platform…” echoes over a dozen of heads as I step off the train on the tube station. I climb the 94 steps back to reality, up from the underground. Coats and boots fill the gaps everywhere around me, but Camden Town is not as crowded as usual. Might have something to do with the fact that today is Christmas Eve eve. For once, I thank my irregular work rota and I’m happy that I got today off. Even if that means I have to work Christmas Day…

Under the soles of slightly warmer boots, colourful words paint the ground. I stop and read the chalk poems and search the pockets of my faux-fur for a few coins but with no result. Soon, my own words start to form silent poetry on my lips.

My dr. Martens cross the road, to the way too familiar chain coffee shop.
“Gingerbread Latte, please. Yeah tall. Oh and soy milk, no cream. Thanks.” The barista smiles and gives me my change back. I make a mental note of giving the coins to the street poet.

Back out in the crisp but not too cold London winter, the smell of the coffee in my hand is hidden underneath the Christmas tree sale along the main road. They still sell these today, for totally unorganised people without any sense of structure to their life. I completely forgot, I should probably get one… Later.

Next to the fragrant trees, there are bundles of holly and mistletoe. I pick up one of those mythical green twigs and laugh to myself as I think of potential mistletoe kisses. Not happening. I buy it anyways, in complete irony, of course.
The Lock Market is getting closer, and I wonder if my boots can feel that they belong here. I can feel it, at least. I stop under the sign, stating that “we’re (very) open (minded)”, wanting to take pictures of it just as much now as the first time I was here.

Warm cider, cupcakes, crepes and burritos hits me in an overwhelming mix of scents, and a just as incredible wall of memories tumbles across my mind. Friends, vintage shopping, family visiting, first dates, second dates…
My feet keep on making their way forward and I push my mind to do the same.

Box after box with vinyl records. Elephants in rainbow swirls, followed by pink clouds and grey rain. I start imagining the songs, what the lyrics mean, what the sound would make me feel. One of the covers catches my mind off guard. It still hurts to think that I can recognise them anywhere… Your favourite band, that is. I leave the records behind and continue.

When I reach the bridge across the canal, I think I stepped in to a winter wonderland – is it actually snowing? Turns out, what looked like snow for a second is just tiny raindrops frozen in time and caught in thick fog. Just as my mind becomes heavy, the crucial moment between day and evening, light and dark, approaches. And, as expected, Christmas lights on automatic timers turn on everywhere around me. It looks just like stars, just a little more artificial than real glowing bodies in space.

And just then, I feel as if I can finally see a little bit of Christmas joy. Maybe there are actually miracles everywhere around.

Update: three days to go


With only three days until C-day I can’t help feeling a little bit stressed. I still have two more gifts to fix and there’s a lot of food to be made. This year’s Christmas buffet will be so awesome. My two sisters are also vegan so I have some reinforcement when it comes to making the menu. We’ll have it all, vegan salads of plenty (red and white cabbage and kale), vegan versions of classical dishes (soy-balls, vegan ham, aubergine-haring, Oumph!-ribs). I’m truly excited.

Of course you don’t have to veganize all of the traditional courses but I think it’s a great way to start. If it were only me at the Christmas table (and some of my *fabulous* vegan friends) I would totally experiment more. But alas the rest of my family are omnivores so change needs to be somewhat understandable. If I were to change everything right away I’m sure they wouldn’t let me celebrate with them next year. Maybe I’m a wee bit dramatic now but at the same time there’s some truth to my overstatement. Of course I’ll be welcome but maybe not my ideas. And now I might be underestemating my family’s ability to change. It’s tricky to navigate these waters.

Anyhow I am still very excited about the Christmas food (which is, except the gathering of family, the best thing about Christmas). I hope you all have something special prepared for this winter’s holiday!


Christmas Pop Songs


All the jingle bells, Santa tell me’s and Christmas wishes in harmonies have been on repeat in our room for a good while now (mixed with a bit of ABBA and Hamilton of course). I thought I hated non-traditional, modern Christmas songs, but I realised it was just because that’s what you were “supposed” to do. And that’s a way of thinking of music (and life) I hate. So, here are a few songs from my “Maybe this Christmas…” playlist that I love, with a more new and modern sound. Music is always music, and that’s lovely.

  • Santa Tell Me – Ariana Grande
  • Mistletoe – Justin Bieber
  • Christmas Lights – Coldplay
  • Shake up Christmas – Train
  • Last Christmas – Ariana Grande
  • Happy Christmas (War is Over) – Maroon5
  • Winter Wonderland/Don’t Worry Be Happy – Pentatonix
  • Text Me Merry Christmas (feat. Kristen Bell) – Straight No Chaser
  • One More Sleep – Leona Lewis
  • Intro (to Christmas & Chill, plus whole album) – Ariana Grande
  • Snow in Californa – Ariana Grande

This is not all the xmas music I listen to, but some of the xmas pop songs I love. Hope you enjoy! What do you listen to right now?


Commercialising Christmas vs Love Language


I think I’ve mentioned it before, but now that I’m noticing it even more, I just have to write about it. Christmas is not only about gifts. It is always complained about on social media, regular media etc. how Christmas is so over hyped when it comes to gifts, presents and money. And I agree so much, I really do, I hate how kids only love Christmas because of gifts, I hate the pressure, the stress, the money. But. Yes. There’s a but to this. Christmas (for me at least, maybe for others too) is about being grateful for what you have i.e. people around you, traditions, spending time with family and showing that you love them. This is very important and I think I’ve come to realise how much I love that and how much that goes in to my love for Christmas.

Another thing I realised a while back is that my love language (or one of them, you can have multiple) is gift giving. It’s so obvious. I show appreciation, love and thanks by gifts, surprises etc. Realising this made everything so much easier. I don’t feel as bad when I partake in the whole “yay Christmas shopping, gifts, but everything!!” thing. Yeah I think it’s bad and I know I’m very privileged to even be able to do things like this, but that’s every day, all year round. I’m not trying to justify things (or maybe I am), I’m just saying it’s way easier for me to spend money (or time, I do like to DIY a lot) on others instead of myself and that is okay.

You might think that there are other ways in which I could show my love; gifts are not necessary for loving someone. True. And trust me, I have other ways too. It’s not like I only give gifts and think that’s enough, promise. And I’m not at all saying you should have to buy nice gifts or spend loads of money, the contrary. Finding your own way is great. It just comes very natural to me to give, and I really do live for the feeling of making people happy by giving them something (small or big) that they wouldn’t necessarily treat themselves to, just because I want to show them how worthy, beautiful, sparkling, amazing, important, just great they really are. And if that’s commercialising Christmas for you, I’m sorry.