// from the past


Hi. I noticed you, from all the way over here… I vaguely recognise you. But I don’t know you. Not anymore.

Would you be my friend, still? Do you still have that sunshine smile, are you happy enough to laugh and love unconditionally?

I don’t know your face as well, have you lost your summer freckles? Your hair is shorter now, different, right? I don’t know your insecurities, if you still have them, they must’ve changed. Have you changed, too?

I don’t know you. That doesn’t mean I don’t want to know you, though.

The light in your eyes resemble something I once wished for, maybe just slightly less bright, there’s a grey shadow in them.

How are you? Are you doing alright?

Do you have nightmares? I have them all the time. But I daydream loads. I hope you do too.

I wish we could meet some day, but I know we won’t.

Maybe we’re too different. Or maybe, just maybe…. we’re too similar.

~ J


Things Change


When reading about zodiac signs, in this case my own one, I always come across Taurus’ not liking change. I never really thought that was true for me, but now I am starting to see it; being stubborn and grounded comes a lot in to play with this, I think. Sure, I’ve changed schools, I’ve moved to London or left friend groups for new ones, mostly because of how it would change my life completely and I actually like this aspect of doing new things. But I notice that I sometimes, or most of the time, need something to push me, wether that be my mum, brave inspirational friends of just the sake of my own mental health…

By moving here, I realise I was, and to some extent still am, holding on to my old ways of life, even if I don’t necessarily want to, simply because… Well, I guess because it’s the easy thing to do, it’s what I know, it’s not scary and it’s comfortable (a very Taurus thing, to choose the comfortable over the good). I’ve wanted some things to change, in how I live my life and my “life situation”, for a while now. And some things don’t change even if you move to London, or I guess Simply because you move to London. Until now I didn’t seem to understand that the biggest things actually stopping me from changing, is Me, Myself and I. It’s a fantastic thing to realise, but it’s also scary, because these are the times when I need to push myself to change without relying on others (even though I’ve had some much needed help).

Want to meet people? To go on dates, or “get out there”? Want to find out if things in your head are real? (Spoiler alert: they might be.) Want to finally deal with your problems?

Hey, I have an idea — Do it! There’s always a way, and if there’s not, you find a way or create a way.

“For change to happen, something actually needs to change.”

I’ve been trying to live by this quote lately, and I often repeat it to myself especially when I’m sitting on a tube train in the London night, on my way to a date, nervous as fudge. I want this. You want this, J. Now, go do it. Even if it’s scary, even if it might hurt.
~ J

(Let’s pretend this post went up on the 5th, okay? Thanks. And let’s pretend it has anything to do with Christmas/winter… Oh wait maybe it does? Winter dates…? Walks along the Thames, across Tower Bridge, southbank winter market…? Hm, yes. Maybe.)