Like crazy


I miss you a lot, like crazy

I want to ask you, stay

Show you my scars 

The hole in my heart 

But I cannot (ask)

You’re a riddle, still

Figuring out yourself 

I’m just a plain page, unworthy of your time 

I need you, but 


You’re not mine anymore 

Belonging to other streetlights, on the river 

Under dazzling eyes, red in the night 

Across an open sea, far (away) 




Things Change


When reading about zodiac signs, in this case my own one, I always come across Taurus’ not liking change. I never really thought that was true for me, but now I am starting to see it; being stubborn and grounded comes a lot in to play with this, I think. Sure, I’ve changed schools, I’ve moved to London or left friend groups for new ones, mostly because of how it would change my life completely and I actually like this aspect of doing new things. But I notice that I sometimes, or most of the time, need something to push me, wether that be my mum, brave inspirational friends of just the sake of my own mental health…

By moving here, I realise I was, and to some extent still am, holding on to my old ways of life, even if I don’t necessarily want to, simply because… Well, I guess because it’s the easy thing to do, it’s what I know, it’s not scary and it’s comfortable (a very Taurus thing, to choose the comfortable over the good). I’ve wanted some things to change, in how I live my life and my “life situation”, for a while now. And some things don’t change even if you move to London, or I guess Simply because you move to London. Until now I didn’t seem to understand that the biggest things actually stopping me from changing, is Me, Myself and I. It’s a fantastic thing to realise, but it’s also scary, because these are the times when I need to push myself to change without relying on others (even though I’ve had some much needed help).

Want to meet people? To go on dates, or “get out there”? Want to find out if things in your head are real? (Spoiler alert: they might be.) Want to finally deal with your problems?

Hey, I have an idea — Do it! There’s always a way, and if there’s not, you find a way or create a way.

“For change to happen, something actually needs to change.”

I’ve been trying to live by this quote lately, and I often repeat it to myself especially when I’m sitting on a tube train in the London night, on my way to a date, nervous as fudge. I want this. You want this, J. Now, go do it. Even if it’s scary, even if it might hurt.
~ J

(Let’s pretend this post went up on the 5th, okay? Thanks. And let’s pretend it has anything to do with Christmas/winter… Oh wait maybe it does? Winter dates…? Walks along the Thames, across Tower Bridge, southbank winter market…? Hm, yes. Maybe.)

music to my heart


It’s always the same thing, the same musical love story.

Out of the blue, you suddenly find a new favourite song. The sound, the vibes, the lyrics – you become obsessed and it becomes your everything. You fall in love with the way the drums match your heartbeat and how every word touches your soul. 

And then, just as suddenly as you fell in love, you fall out of it. The song starts to feel outdated and off-pitch. You can’t hear the beat anymore and the words just sound soulless.

You were my new favourite song.

~ J