Strawberry seeds – memory

Stuff, Words

Right from the first step outside the grey buildings, when our worn down sneakers landed on the uneven stone stairs, we knew this day called for an adventure. Even if that just meant bikes, strawberries and the blue lake.

The two bikes were parked behind one of the school buildings, and the other two of us climb up on the back. The wind in our hair and the rush from going too fast, makes us laugh and smile freely.

We sit down on the grass, by the sparkling blue, but cold, lake. While throwing the little green tips from the strawberries at each other and in to the water, our smiles grew even brighter.

It was only recently that the sun had started to warm up the ground, and the summer is short, but we all know we will remember this day way after the sun stops shining.

~ J

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Update: three days to go

Words

With only three days until C-day I can’t help feeling a little bit stressed. I still have two more gifts to fix and there’s a lot of food to be made. This year’s Christmas buffet will be so awesome. My two sisters are also vegan so I have some reinforcement when it comes to making the menu. We’ll have it all, vegan salads of plenty (red and white cabbage and kale), vegan versions of classical dishes (soy-balls, vegan ham, aubergine-haring, Oumph!-ribs). I’m truly excited.

Of course you don’t have to veganize all of the traditional courses but I think it’s a great way to start. If it were only me at the Christmas table (and some of my *fabulous* vegan friends) I would totally experiment more. But alas the rest of my family are omnivores so change needs to be somewhat understandable. If I were to change everything right away I’m sure they wouldn’t let me celebrate with them next year. Maybe I’m a wee bit dramatic now but at the same time there’s some truth to my overstatement. Of course I’ll be welcome but maybe not my ideas. And now I might be underestemating my family’s ability to change. It’s tricky to navigate these waters.

Anyhow I am still very excited about the Christmas food (which is, except the gathering of family, the best thing about Christmas). I hope you all have something special prepared for this winter’s holiday!

⇝K

Things Change

Words

When reading about zodiac signs, in this case my own one, I always come across Taurus’ not liking change. I never really thought that was true for me, but now I am starting to see it; being stubborn and grounded comes a lot in to play with this, I think. Sure, I’ve changed schools, I’ve moved to London or left friend groups for new ones, mostly because of how it would change my life completely and I actually like this aspect of doing new things. But I notice that I sometimes, or most of the time, need something to push me, wether that be my mum, brave inspirational friends of just the sake of my own mental health…

By moving here, I realise I was, and to some extent still am, holding on to my old ways of life, even if I don’t necessarily want to, simply because… Well, I guess because it’s the easy thing to do, it’s what I know, it’s not scary and it’s comfortable (a very Taurus thing, to choose the comfortable over the good). I’ve wanted some things to change, in how I live my life and my “life situation”, for a while now. And some things don’t change even if you move to London, or I guess Simply because you move to London. Until now I didn’t seem to understand that the biggest things actually stopping me from changing, is Me, Myself and I. It’s a fantastic thing to realise, but it’s also scary, because these are the times when I need to push myself to change without relying on others (even though I’ve had some much needed help).

Want to meet people? To go on dates, or “get out there”? Want to find out if things in your head are real? (Spoiler alert: they might be.) Want to finally deal with your problems?

Hey, I have an idea — Do it! There’s always a way, and if there’s not, you find a way or create a way.

“For change to happen, something actually needs to change.”

I’ve been trying to live by this quote lately, and I often repeat it to myself especially when I’m sitting on a tube train in the London night, on my way to a date, nervous as fudge. I want this. You want this, J. Now, go do it. Even if it’s scary, even if it might hurt.
~ J


(Let’s pretend this post went up on the 5th, okay? Thanks. And let’s pretend it has anything to do with Christmas/winter… Oh wait maybe it does? Winter dates…? Walks along the Thames, across Tower Bridge, southbank winter market…? Hm, yes. Maybe.)

A Few Bumps Here and There

Words

So this will be the first post I have written since moving to London. I am currently at Starbucks waiting for J to go on her lunch break. I’m supposed to apply for jobs right now but to quote Troye Sivan I’m at “procrastination station, hohoho”.

So how has life in London been this far? Difficult, fun, overwhelming, soul crushing…

I realize it sounds like it has mostly been a hard time but it hasn’t. I have made some new friends, one of which is currently exploring Paris and another whom I talk to every day as she is the best member of staff at the hostel we are staying at.

But as you might have guessed by the title I have decided to dedicate this blog post to my recent bump on this terrifying adventure.

Yesterday was one of the hardest day this far, I have to say… Luckily my family and friends are only one FaceTime call away! Apart from feeling poorly I was fighting this battle in my head, should I accept the job I was offered even if I hated it when I had my trial? We have been here for three weeks now and I haven’t gotten any other offers. It felt like the only thing I had done these past weeks was slowly emptying my bank account… And I know some of you think I am insane for even considering turning the offer down because I could just keep looking for something else at the same time as I am working at said place. But for me it felt wrong and it caused me anxiety thinking about starting the job and then quitting it after a few weeks. It felt like I was using the nice people at that workplace and it would be so much easier for them if they chose someone else who really wanted the job and was there to stay.

Anyways what I want to say is that sometimes you have to make the decision that feels right by you, even when people tell you otherwise (unless the decision includes murdering people or animals… Yep, that took a turn to the dark side…) Also give yourself some time to think! Don’t rush into the decision. As our wise friend K said to me in my moment of conflict, sometimes the time isn’t right, you will find your dream job (or whatever your looking for) when the time is right and until then you have to choose what you will do until the that time arrives.

I realize this is just me rambling but I hope someone, somewhere finds this helpful or reassuring.

➢ M