She sat in the corner trying to hide the fact that she was eating a co-oped bought donut in an itsu restaurant. Life had been stressful, it still was. A rushed move had taken place a few days earlier and they were now stuck, stuck in a place that reminded them both far too much of pink bathroom walls. During the last couple of days she had stopped feeding herself, surviving only on the occasional donut. But she wasn’t alone in feeling a bit homesick, they all felt it, the longing for someplace safe, someplace where the future wasn’t painted in black and grays. For all of them existing wasn’t as easy as it had been a month ago.
It’s December third, which means I have 21 days to find my Christmas spirit.
If you were around for last Blogmas you know what I am talking about. For all of you who weren’t I’ll say this; I am not a Christmasy-person. I don’t like Christmas music (the exception being Enyas And Winter Came), I’m far than fond of Christmas-shopping and I absolutely hate the “Christmas rush”. For heavens sake; chill!
As a child I had an abundance of Christmas spirit. I could long for Christmas so much that I would start the countdown for next Christmas at December 25th. But the more I think about the Christmas spirit of nine year old K I imagine it was just really about the gifts. I was a pretty materialistic child (like most children these days). Who wouldn’t want it to be Christmas everyday?
I don’t want to kill other people’s Christmas vibe, but I have to be honest with you; I am not in the slightest feeling Christmasy this year. I guess it’s because this year there is a huge difference; J and M. They are the most Christmasy people I know. Sometimes it’s almost like they’re living for that Christmas-glow. For the last two years their Christmas spirit has rubbed of on me. Not an earth shattering amount but enough to get me a little excited. The lack of them in my everyday life is making me less cheery.
But as they say; there is a light in the end of the tunnel (and no it’s not the afterlife). In 27 days we will be reunited. The three of us, together for the fist time since September. There aren’t enough words to describe my feelings towards this. Maybe this will be my Christmas spirit? The spirit of reunited escapers.
And so it came; the day. The day that were to change our lives, for ever. An anticipated day, nonetheless. I must admit it scared the living shit out of me (don’t know how shit can live but here we are). What I am talking about is J and M’s move to London; city of fog and dreams. It’s funny how something that is so far away suddenly is here, in a split second or two.
They have been in London for over two weeks now and I have to say that I am very happy for them. It would have been strange if I wasn’t since they are the best friends a girl like me could ever dream of having. But alas, one can always feel more than one feeling at once. How I miss them. And envy them. And just want to laugh with them again. Face to face. I am sorry FaceTime but you just can’t live up to the real thing, with your bad reception and infinit pixels.
But the emotion which I feel the most is the general feeling of being lost. What am I to do with life? I don’t study and I don’t have a job (hopefully I will, soon). Not that my entire world spun around J and M but it’s still really confusing. But maybe, just maybe, everything happens for a reason and that the Universe has a plan and a reson for this. At least that’s want I will tell myself whenever I think about it (which is all the time). I really need to find a hobby or something…
With the obvious danger of sounding completely cliché but maybe they moved so that I could find my own way; on my own. Yep, definitely a huge, mega cliché. Or perhaps it’s a giga-cliché?
Hopefully J and M will be posting something about their new adventure real soon. But finding jobs and somewhere to live trumps this little escape I guess. Well, I think it’s time for me to get on with my knitting now; the hobby search has just begun!