do you have to go?

i know you have to go.

i have to go.

but do you, really?

you have to go now.

i have to go now.

i have to leave.

do you really have to leave?

you will miss your train.

i will miss my train.

go, now.


i wish i could stay.

me too.

don’t miss your train.

(please miss your train)

i don’t want to miss my train.

(i really want to miss my train)



please stay.

i’ll stay.

you can’t stay.

i can’t stay.

i love you.

i love you too.


~ J


A month of xxx’s


It’s only been a month, and I’m so scared yet so sure.

I’m scared I fell too quickly, scared it is not real – HE is not real.

I’m so scared of the voices telling me to slow down, but even more scared of those telling me not to. 

I’m terrified of these potential feelings, call it love or whatever, and terrified that the feeling of not deserving this won’t go away, ever.

I’m scared the texts are going to stop, scared of the xxx’s becoming a dreaded habit, scared I’ll scare him away or bore him to death.

I’m scared he will stop taking my hand in his whenever we walk somewhere, scared his fingers tracing the stars on my skin will stop being the best feeling in the world.

I’m afraid that he’s the one, and that he’s not.

I’m so scared. But also so sure.
~ J

Commercialising Christmas vs Love Language


I think I’ve mentioned it before, but now that I’m noticing it even more, I just have to write about it. Christmas is not only about gifts. It is always complained about on social media, regular media etc. how Christmas is so over hyped when it comes to gifts, presents and money. And I agree so much, I really do, I hate how kids only love Christmas because of gifts, I hate the pressure, the stress, the money. But. Yes. There’s a but to this. Christmas (for me at least, maybe for others too) is about being grateful for what you have i.e. people around you, traditions, spending time with family and showing that you love them. This is very important and I think I’ve come to realise how much I love that and how much that goes in to my love for Christmas.

Another thing I realised a while back is that my love language (or one of them, you can have multiple) is gift giving. It’s so obvious. I show appreciation, love and thanks by gifts, surprises etc. Realising this made everything so much easier. I don’t feel as bad when I partake in the whole “yay Christmas shopping, gifts, but everything!!” thing. Yeah I think it’s bad and I know I’m very privileged to even be able to do things like this, but that’s every day, all year round. I’m not trying to justify things (or maybe I am), I’m just saying it’s way easier for me to spend money (or time, I do like to DIY a lot) on others instead of myself and that is okay.

You might think that there are other ways in which I could show my love; gifts are not necessary for loving someone. True. And trust me, I have other ways too. It’s not like I only give gifts and think that’s enough, promise. And I’m not at all saying you should have to buy nice gifts or spend loads of money, the contrary. Finding your own way is great. It just comes very natural to me to give, and I really do live for the feeling of making people happy by giving them something (small or big) that they wouldn’t necessarily treat themselves to, just because I want to show them how worthy, beautiful, sparkling, amazing, important, just great they really are. And if that’s commercialising Christmas for you, I’m sorry.



Art, Words

I feel like I need to preface this. It’s ehm… It is what it is. It’s very sappy and cheesy and sad and cliche but I wrote this when I was feeling all of that so it fits, I guess. It’s not a poem but it might be poetry. Just like life.

You are everything,

I could’ve had,

I could’ve wanted.

Dark green eyes

show a sparkling soul

and a world I want to revisit.

You hold me close,

stars dancing above our heads

And I know that in another world,

another universe,

There are no black empty holes.

that in another galaxy,

My wish upon that falling star

might come true.

You say in a light year

or half a year

Our orbits might collide

and we will be

Moonlight and Stardust

once again.

~ J

Dreamy Winter Dates – Everywhere!

Adventure, Inspiration

As promised, here is the list of my favourite dates during winter, a bit less “London-only” (but if you’re in this cool city, check out this too!). I hope that this inspires you, or that you find a few that you would like to go on. Tailor them to location, likes and date, and you’re set!

  • Winter picnic! Picnics are always so great, so put on your warm clothes, stock up on some warm drinks and snacks! And head out in the winter evening, to a cool (literally) location. And if it’s too cold for you….
  • Indoor picnic! As I said. Picnics always work. Even inside, with blankets etc!
  • Christmas markets! Favourite. Will get you in a great Christmassy mood, just seeing all the happy people, great food and decorations.
  • Parks and lights! Not only in London are the lit up parks and streets amazing.
  • Café dates! Just as mentioned earlier, Starbucks is great, but so are also other cafes, and when are cafes not a good bet?
  • Explore in the cold! Go somewhere new in the cold! Adventure. Get lost.
  • Christmas tree shopping! So cute, the smell, the greenery, the trees!
  • Bake or cook together! Ehehe, probably mostly because I love it.
  • Sledding/skiing/etc! Go on, go out, get cold, have fun, and then get warm inside again. After ski, anyone? Snow might be a requirement though.
  • Snow everything! IF you have snow, build snowman, snowforts, or have a snowball war? Same as above, basically.
  • DIY hot chocolate bar! Make your own hot chocolate with all the toppings!
  • Christmas/winter party! If you’re anything like me, hosting parties are awesome.
  • Christmas films! Cosy up with films, snacks, pillows, dimmed lights. Perf.

Aw, now I just want to drink hot chocolate, curl up under a blanket and watch 1000 Christmas films.

~ J

Things Change


When reading about zodiac signs, in this case my own one, I always come across Taurus’ not liking change. I never really thought that was true for me, but now I am starting to see it; being stubborn and grounded comes a lot in to play with this, I think. Sure, I’ve changed schools, I’ve moved to London or left friend groups for new ones, mostly because of how it would change my life completely and I actually like this aspect of doing new things. But I notice that I sometimes, or most of the time, need something to push me, wether that be my mum, brave inspirational friends of just the sake of my own mental health…

By moving here, I realise I was, and to some extent still am, holding on to my old ways of life, even if I don’t necessarily want to, simply because… Well, I guess because it’s the easy thing to do, it’s what I know, it’s not scary and it’s comfortable (a very Taurus thing, to choose the comfortable over the good). I’ve wanted some things to change, in how I live my life and my “life situation”, for a while now. And some things don’t change even if you move to London, or I guess Simply because you move to London. Until now I didn’t seem to understand that the biggest things actually stopping me from changing, is Me, Myself and I. It’s a fantastic thing to realise, but it’s also scary, because these are the times when I need to push myself to change without relying on others (even though I’ve had some much needed help).

Want to meet people? To go on dates, or “get out there”? Want to find out if things in your head are real? (Spoiler alert: they might be.) Want to finally deal with your problems?

Hey, I have an idea — Do it! There’s always a way, and if there’s not, you find a way or create a way.

“For change to happen, something actually needs to change.”

I’ve been trying to live by this quote lately, and I often repeat it to myself especially when I’m sitting on a tube train in the London night, on my way to a date, nervous as fudge. I want this. You want this, J. Now, go do it. Even if it’s scary, even if it might hurt.
~ J

(Let’s pretend this post went up on the 5th, okay? Thanks. And let’s pretend it has anything to do with Christmas/winter… Oh wait maybe it does? Winter dates…? Walks along the Thames, across Tower Bridge, southbank winter market…? Hm, yes. Maybe.)

My love – A (Christmas) poem

Art, Words

My love has two left feet

She waddles about and I cannot help

laughing when she dances around the Christmas tree


My love has one lazy eye

Sometimes I occasionally hide

from her in plain sight when she wants me to help make pie


My love is the one

I forever shall deeply and truly love

even if a bit whimsy she still holds this love of mine



music to my heart


It’s always the same thing, the same musical love story.

Out of the blue, you suddenly find a new favourite song. The sound, the vibes, the lyrics – you become obsessed and it becomes your everything. You fall in love with the way the drums match your heartbeat and how every word touches your soul. 

And then, just as suddenly as you fell in love, you fall out of it. The song starts to feel outdated and off-pitch. You can’t hear the beat anymore and the words just sound soulless.

You were my new favourite song.

~ J