A month of xxx’s

It’s only been a month, and I’m so scared yet so sure.

I’m scared I fell too quickly, scared it is not real – HE is not real.

I’m so scared of the voices telling me to slow down, but even more scared of those telling me not to. 

I’m terrified of these potential feelings, call it love or whatever, and terrified that the feeling of not deserving this won’t go away, ever.

I’m scared the texts are going to stop, scared of the xxx’s becoming a dreaded habit, scared I’ll scare him away or bore him to death.

I’m scared he will stop taking my hand in his whenever we walk somewhere, scared his fingers tracing the stars on my skin will stop being the best feeling in the world.

I’m afraid that he’s the one, and that he’s not.

I’m so scared. But also so sure.
~ J