Like crazy

Art

I miss you a lot, like crazy

I want to ask you, stay

Show you my scars 

The hole in my heart 

But I cannot (ask)

 
You’re a riddle, still

Figuring out yourself 

I’m just a plain page, unworthy of your time 

I need you, but 

 

You’re not mine anymore 

Belonging to other streetlights, on the river 

Under dazzling eyes, red in the night 

Across an open sea, far (away) 

 

⇝K 

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Wanted: Christmas spirit

Words

It’s December third, which means I have 21 days to find my Christmas spirit.

If you were around for last Blogmas you know what I am talking about. For all of you who weren’t I’ll say this; I am not a Christmasy-person. I don’t like Christmas music (the exception being Enyas And Winter Came), I’m far than fond of Christmas-shopping and I absolutely hate the “Christmas rush”. For heavens sake; chill!

As a child I had an abundance of Christmas spirit. I could long for Christmas so much that I would start the countdown for next Christmas at December 25th. But the more I think about the Christmas spirit of nine year old K I imagine it was just really about the gifts. I was a pretty materialistic child (like most children these days). Who wouldn’t want it to be Christmas everyday?

I don’t want to kill other people’s Christmas vibe, but I have to be honest with you; I am not in the slightest feeling Christmasy this year. I guess it’s because this year there is a huge difference; J and M. They are the most Christmasy people I know. Sometimes it’s almost like they’re living for that Christmas-glow. For the last two years their Christmas spirit has rubbed of on me. Not an earth shattering amount but enough to get me a little excited. The lack of them in my everyday life is making me less cheery.

But as they say; there is a light in the end of the tunnel (and no it’s not the afterlife). In 27 days we will be reunited. The three of us, together for the fist time since September. There aren’t enough words to describe my feelings towards this. Maybe this will be my Christmas spirit? The spirit of reunited escapers.

⇝K

No fog and no dreams for me

Words

And so it came; the day. The day that were to change our lives, for ever. An anticipated day, nonetheless. I must admit it scared the living shit out of me (don’t know how shit can live but here we are). What I am talking about is J and M’s move to London; city of fog and dreams. It’s funny how something that is so far away suddenly is here, in a split second or two.

They have been in London for over two weeks now and I have to say that I am very happy for them. It would have been strange if I wasn’t since they are the best friends a girl like me could ever dream of having. But alas, one can always feel more than one feeling at once. How I miss them. And envy them. And just want to laugh with them again. Face to face. I am sorry FaceTime but you just can’t live up to the real thing, with your bad reception and infinit pixels.

But the emotion which I feel the most is the general feeling of being lost. What am I to do with life? I don’t study and I don’t have a job (hopefully I will, soon). Not that my entire world spun around J and M but it’s still really confusing. But maybe, just maybe, everything happens for a reason and that the Universe has a plan and a reson for this. At least that’s want I will tell myself whenever I think about it (which is all the time). I really need to find a hobby or something…

IMG_3384 kopia.JPG

With the obvious danger of sounding completely cliché but maybe they moved so that I could find my own way; on my own. Yep, definitely a huge, mega cliché. Or perhaps it’s a giga-cliché?

Hopefully J and M will be posting something about their new adventure real soon. But finding jobs and somewhere to live trumps this little escape I guess. Well, I think it’s time for me to get on with my knitting now; the hobby search has just begun!

⇝K 

Survival Study Guide – Back 2 School w/ EC

Inspiration

I’m no expert when it comes to studying, I’m not the best at it. But I actually like it and I think I’ve found a few things that work (at least for me). So here are my best tips for surviving your studies!

  • calendar + lists = planning
    I’ve mentioned it before but I really like planning. Having a really good calendar or planner is essential and will most definitely save you a lot of stress, time and confusion. You will know when to do what, and also it will stop you from forgetting exams and reports. Basically, it will just make your life and your studies so much easier.
  • study strategies
    Finding your own strategies to get things done and focus is very important, but how do you do that then? You try different things to see what works best! Try listening to music, does that help your focus or is it making you wanna dance instead of studying? Where and with who should you do your homework or review notes? Sometimes it’s a good idea to have study buddies but not always. Maybe you work best in the library, or maybe in the comfort of your own bedroom. Try it all and see what works, and then use the strategies you find works the best! It can also be different strategies for different subjects or scenarios. And sometimes combining strategies can really be the best bet (for example, to prepare for an exam, discuss with friends and then review)!
  • procrastinating
    I’m not going to tell you straight up stop procrastinating and just do it (insert meme here), because I should know that it’s not easy to do that. But, what I can tell you is that you will have to learn how to be efficient if you procrastinate. Of course, the best would be if you started writing/preparing for that report way in advance, but if that’s not possible for you, then just be efficient with your work and learn how to get things done. This is difficult to explain… But if you start studying for an exam or writing the report just a few days before due, then you can afford to waste time. Don’t sit there and wait for the report to write itself or for the knowledge to jump into your brain – do it! And do it without distractions, don’t try doing it for a couple of hours with your phone next to you or watching a movie, instead take two hours and be efficient! This goes hand in hand with study strategies, naturally.
  • stay active during lessons
    This is a very obvious one, but it might also be my best one. Pay attention to the lesson (if that’s what works for you)! You might think the lesson is super boring but the only one losing on not listening is you. And if you listen, be sure to actually be an active listener, take notes! For me, this is (most of the time) essential to my studies. Then review those notes to really get the information into your brain. Make sure to bring pens! Also, when reading and sorting through your notes, make them more fun and easy to follow by using different coloured highlighters and markers. Always bring your pencil case – see it as your chosen weapons of battle; pick them carefully and make sure they work wonders for your notes.
  • take breaks
    One thing as important as being efficient during the time you actually study – take efficient breaks! What do I mean by this? While your doing your homework or whatever, take breaks where you truly pause your studies and just do something different. Also snacks. Snack loads, okay? You can forget to eat when you’re stressed, so remember to refuel! I also recommend longer breaks. D0 things that make you truly relax. Friends and study buddies help here too. Stress relief is so important. I just recently started meditating and body scanning, but it’s so good and it truly helps you focus on what’s important. It brings clarity to everything. Your health is always crucial.
  • be interested – stay positive
    Okay, I was wrong when I said active lessons was my best tip. This is what truly has helped me throughout my studies. Be interested in the subjects, be eager to learn more and do more, don’t just see it as something you “must” do. See it as something you want to do. Of course getting good grades and stuff can motivate you, but I find that if you’re genuinely interested, you’re more likely to actually do your best and learn more. Stay positive, school is not the worst! If you think of it as dreadful and a prison, it will become just that. I try to not hate school. I know saying things like “you’re lucky to be able to go to school” might seem like a cliche but it is true – but see it as your job and also what you want to do. Just stay curious!

 

I think that was it. I probably missed loads but that’s okay. Please remember that school is not forever, and when you stop seeing it as the most boring thing in the world, it actually can become fun! You will find yourself missing school in just a couple of years. And even if you think nothing you learn about will help you in the future, it actually will. Maybe not the derivative of x, but other things like planning, writing, learning new things, staying interested, checking up on the sources and being persistent in your work.

Good luck!

~J

 

Summer + friends

Words

My summers generally consists of a loooot of fun stuff, good vibes and great times. I love summer. There’s more time for everything; adventure, travel, picknicks, workouts, food, baking, and…  -friends-! (Insert emphasis here.) My summers when I was younger was mostly spent trying to juggle traveling with my family, being introverted in my room and doing fun stuff with my friends. I wasn’t the one to always contact my pals to hang out, but I think I mostly enjoyed it (although I remember sometimes after a few hectic days of socializing I always dreamt about being alone in my room again). This is actually quite accurate to my summers nowadays, I guess…

I don’t know if I’m good at making friends. When my sister and I were on vacation with my family, in a small coast town in Spain, I was never the one to make new friends on the beach or talk to the girl of the same age by the pool. My sister was always almost searching for a way to meet new people to play with when we were away. I was never like that. I was content with just a book or my music in a beach chair,  her as my only friend on the trip when we did other things.

BUT. This summer has been very different to those kinds of summer. I have actually made some new friends! And I didn’t hate it, I actually enjoyed it thoroughly. I was kind of forced (that sounds wayyyy to harsh, it was just that her family is friends with my aunt and her family, so they all came and visited us) to become friends with a girl in my age from the US. She was really nice, we are so similar and became good friends in the short time we had, I think.

Another time this summer, I kind of actually had to make an even bigger effort to meet them. It was in Berlin, while visiting with my friend. We went to this small “bar” type of thing and we sat upstairs in an old converted red double decker bus with only a few other people. When we went down to grab another cider, I actually talked to them! And that was the start to a long night with them (all boys, maybe seven in total, two of them from Britain and those were the two I actually became friends with, and later we also met three really nice swedish girls). I was so proud of myself, as I said, I’m usually not like that, really.

I’ve also gotten to know some of my friends better, and became a lot closer to them. For example when traveling to Barcelona with a few of my old classmates. It was great! I also spent a lot of time with another old friend and we’ve always been close but I guess I don’t really spend a lot of time with her.

Unfortunately, not all of my friendships have flourished this summer. I’m – as mentioned – not the best at keeping in contact and suggest to hang out. That has resulted in me losing a few friends, especially one. That’s always sad, and I wish it would’ve worked out better. But this might actually be for the best, and sometimes it is. And otherwise, we will realize and get in touch again… But I feel like that won’t happen, especially when they tell you to “have a good life” and that you “should not be friends for a year”.

Anyways. This is what my summer’s been all about. Figuring how to make friends again, and also figuring out a balance of losing and keeping friends. And now, with our move getting closer, new challenges regarding friendships are approaching, I feel like this was a great summer, a great learning experience.


~ J

and pictures are proof

Adventure

I think I’ve mentioned it here before, but if I haven’t: photos and videos are very important to me, especially when I’m traveling. I get the whole “wanting to experience the moment first-handed, not through looking at a screen to get the perfect shot”, but at the same time, if there’s a way for me to remember and cherish how incredible a moment is – why not? And as long as you don’t let your inner travel photographer take over your trip completely, I don’t really see a problem with it. (I apply this to concerts and shows as well, fun to have some parts on film to remember, but not fun to just look through my phone and not seize the moment to actually experience it! There’s a fine line…)

Anyway, how I come to think of this was… I was actually trying to figure out what to blog about, probably trying too hard to find an interesting topic, when I realized that I have so many photos from our trip to Britain last summer! And not only photos, but videos especially! I might have lost my memory card with everything from China and other places (for now at least) but I still have everything that’s on my phone. My goal was to put everything I filmed together into a proper video, but even though I actually made YouTube videos before (or tried… multiple times) I’m not very good at getting those kinds of things done. I just looked through the footage and.. wow. It’s so unreal, we’re actually moving there this autumn? Really? Wow! I want to go now. Sometimes I forget how much I loved it there, how much it felt like home. That’s when I get the most scared and unsure about our decision to move there. Is it the right choice to leave everything I know as my reality now, to get to this new uncertain place with no place to live or work, without friends or family close (except for my favourite friends M and K of course, and they do a really good job of replacing both other friends and family)?

Next time I get this scared for the future, I’ll only have to look through the footage again and I’ll be certain. This is the right choice. I might be giving up everything I know for a while, but it’s for the best reasons – to find my place, give my wander heart what it wants and most importantly… to be happy.

(And who knows? Maybe there’ll be a video with everything I filmed in London/Brighton last year, very soon? We’ll see what I can do… Until then – here are some photos!)

~J

Dare to Dream (being scared)

Words

When I was younger, I think it was more than a couple of years ago, I had a crush (oh, how I hate calling it that… I was mostly just interested and intrigued) on a friend of mine. Or, we weren’t really close friends or anything, I just found this person so cool and fun. I never did anything about this. I wanted to, but I was so scared. One of my best friends came to visit, and she made me write to him and we actually met up, and it was amazing, but this never led to anything more serious.

This has been the case throughout my life. I’m too scared, and I need a “catalyzer” as my friend called it, to actually do anything. This is sometimes problematic and I actually despise myself for it. But I’ve started accepting it and I try to get better at doing things I want to do, to be braver.

For example, I’m moving abroad when this summer has passed.

Wow. I have trouble writing that. I hate it. Why am I so frikking scared? Yes, it’s scary and a new thing and maybe even super difficult, but if I’m too scared to try I will never do anything, never fulfill any dreams of mine. And with what I’ve written here before, I must sound like quite an adventurous person… I don’t know if I am. Or, I guess I am in some regards, but at the same time I can be scared to death when it comes to other things. So I guess this is just a promise to myself, to try and be braver.

~J

Blogger’s Block

Stuff

There are so many blog posts I want to write and post right now, but I feel like I just can’t. I actually don’t know why but I just can’t seem to get the words on paper… or on the screen I should say. It seems impossible to get my fingers to push the right keys and find the right words, to make up the right sentences and eventually the right post.

And sometimes, the words don’t even need to be right, and the blog post doesn’t need to be perfect. That’s okay. I feel like I put so much pressure on myself sometimes with these blog posts… I want them to be packed full with descriptive words, captivating pictures and carefully picked wording. That’s probably why the other thirds of this blog pointed out that my posts always are soooo long and with soooo many pictures (could also have something to do with me always writing too much and my love for photography/aesthetics but I’m not sure). But this is only sometimes. Other times I don’t, and literally write and post what I want and only what I want without a care in the world. Or I mean… I always post whatever I want and I always care, of course, but sometimes I put a little more effort in it and then I want every post to be that big and colourful. And that’s kinda impossible, since my (/our) lives are kinda crazy, and kinda super stressed right now… kinda. (kiiinda hate that word but I’m gonna use it anyway!)

So yeah. This is one of those posts I won’t overload with fancy words and pictures. I don’t really know why I wrote this instead of all the other posts I have planned in my head, but I guess this is what I felt like writing.

On another note, it was my birthday yesterday and I just decided I’m gonna have a Big Birthday Brunch this sunday and I’m quite excited about this. So you can expect a few posts about this from me, both the preparation, mid-brunch pictures and the aftermath! (but I probably won’t post about the brunch until after it actually happened, since K and M are both coming and I want to keep at least some of the element of surprise!)

Hey, look, I actually made myself type this out! And maybe these weren’t the right words, and maybe this wasn’t the right post, but that doesn’t matter. It was the right post for right now, and that’s okay.

~J